Dear Compassionate Friends,
We are very excited to be a part of the 34th National Conference of The Compassionate Friends. The conference will be held in Minneapolis/St. Paul, MN. July 15-17, 2011. As more information becomes available we will pass it along to you. We encourage you to consider attending this conference. It is a wonderful opportunity to honor the memory of you child/children and to spend some time with other parents who understand the pain you are experiencing. Some of our group members got together to do some planning and we have made a commitment to provide the bottled water for the Conference and the ‘Walk to Remember’. We will be continuing to do some planning and fund raising and we welcome anyone who would like to be involved. We know that there will be a need for volunteers to help at the time of the Conference too. If you are interested in helping in any way please call me on 320-366-3421. Thank you, Paulette Wiley
Reserve Your Room Now for the National Conference!
Reservations are now being accepted at the Sheraton Bloomington Hotel, Minneapolis South for those planning to attend the TCF's national conference July 15-17. Room rate is $129 per night for a King Room or Double Bed Room, single or double occupancy; $139 for triple and $149 for quad. These special reduced rates are available on stays from July 10-19 if the reservation is placed by June 21 (subject to availability). These are specially negotiated rates available only for those attending the national conference. Reserve your accommodations online at Sheraton Bloomington Hotel Minneapolis South, telephone 952-835-7800 and mention you are with The Compassionate Friends. Arrangements are being made for free shuttle pick-up to and from the hotel and the Minneapolis St. Paul International Airport (there will also be shuttles during the conference to and from the Mall of America). Those driving to the conference will have complimentary free parking at the hotel (Valet service is available $8 per day).
COMPASSIONATE FREINDS CONFERENCE T-SHIRTS
As a fund raising project, our group will be selling t-shirts. The shirts will be blue in color and of a good quality fabric, with the West Central Minnesota Chapter logo of The Compassionate Friends in white on the front. It will also be possible to put a picture of your child on the back of the shirt. You will need to provide a photo of your child which will be copied in color on a fabric that you will be able to adhere to the shirt by pressing it on with an iron. We can add your child's name on the fabric with the photo. The shirts come in adult sizes from small to 4X. The cost of each shirt is $15. If you are interested please send your request, a photo of you child, the size you want on the shirt, your child's name, the size shirt you want, and $15. The photos should be no larger than 8x10 and they will be returned to you. We will need these requests by May 15, 2011. Please send the requests to Kay McLane, 613 Lakeland Drive SE, Willmar, MN 56201
THANK YOU TO THE UNITED WAY
Through the generous donations of many, our Compassionate Friends group has again been the recipient of financial help from the United Way of West Central Minnesota. These funds help defray the costs of reaching out to families. We thank everyone for their generosity.
TO OUR NEW MEMBERS
Coming to the first meeting is the hardest, but you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Try not to judge your first meeting as to whether or not the Compassionate Friends will work for you. At the next meeting you may find just the right person or just the right words said that will help you in your grief work.
ANGEL OF HOPE MEMORIAL UPDATE
The construction work on the Angel of Hope Memorial was completed this fall. The stone carver has been contacted with the request to carve "Angel of Hope" on the new stone that was added. We are hopeful it will be completed this coming spring.
If you are interested in a brick in memory of your child, please call Paulette at 320-366-3421 and she will send you the order information. The cost of a brick is $125. If you would like to make a donation to the Angel project, you may send it to Kay McLane, 613 Lakeland Ave SE, Willmar, MN 56201.
2011 Angel of Hope Donantions
- Kay McLane, Kay Strand, Sy and Colleen Foss, and Paulette Wiley in memory of Justin Widner, son of Jim and Elaine Widner.
- Jim and Elaine Widner in memory of their son, Justin Widner.
- Swede and Marilyn Johnson in memory of Justin Widner, son of Jim and Elaine Widner
2010 Angel of Hope Donantions
- Shirley Hanson
- Pat Morse
2009 Angel of Hope Donantions
- Bob & Betty Hermann
- Delaino & Suzanne Schafer
- Todd & Sara Heieie
- Roxy Stefffl
- Ron & Kathy Garner
- Jacque Collins
- Roxy and Mike Steffl
LOVE GIFTS
The Compassionate Friends is a non-profit organization. We have no local dues or fees. We function with the help of our Love gifts. Love gifts are monies given in memory of a child by parents, siblings, grandparents, or other relatives, as well as friends and caring individuals who wish to assist with the work of TCF. These gifts enable us to continue to reach out to those who are newly bereaved in our community through brochures and newsletters. All donations are tax deductible. Donations for Love Gifts can be mailed to: Kay McLane | 613 Lakeland Drive SE | Willmar, MN 56201.
New Gifts
- Jodi and Denise Johnson in memory of their son Dustin Lee Johnson
- Don and Mary Schroeder in memory of their son Jon Schroeder
- Paul and Gail Magnuson in memory of their daughter Beth Tinklenberg
Other gifts this year...
- Don and Mary Schroeder in memory of their son Jon for his 31st birthday.
- Earline Schulstad in memory of her son Gary Van Hove.
- Don and Mary Schroeder, Bob and Betty Hermann, Bill and Bev Ooley, Dorle Blackwell, and Paulette Wiley provided a gift of a brick at the Angel of Hope Memorial to John and Nancy Cosco in memory of their son Stephen.
- Lac Qui Parle Broadcasting Company, Inc. in memory of Mackenzie Jo Overlander, daughter of Terry and Becky Overlander.
- Danielson Township of Meeker County United Way
Memorial Love Gifts Received
The Compassionate Friends is a non-profit organization. We have no local dues or fees. We function with the help of our love gifts. Love gifts are given in memory of a child by parents, siblings, grandparents, or other relatives, as well as friends and caring individuals who wish to assist with the work of TCF. These gifts enable us to continue to reach out to those who are newly bereaved in our community through brochures and newsletters. All donations are tax deductible. Donations for Love Gifts can be mailed to:
Kay McLane | 613 Lakeland Drive SE | Willmar, MN 56201.
2011 Love Gift Donations
- Marie Vangen and Ronald Louks in memory of their son Ronnie Louks Jr.
- Jim and Elaine Widner in memory of their son Justin Widner.
- American Society of Sugar Beet Technologists in memory of Justin Widner, son of Jim and Elaine Widner.
- Beet Sugar Development Foundation in memory of Justin Widner, son of Jim and Elaine Widner.
- Gene and Ruth Templer in memory of their son Travis.
- John and Margaret Knisley in memory of their son Dain.
- Lucille Pitzen in memory of her son Joseph.
- Greg and Wendy Schultz in memory of their son Joshua.
- Debi Rohr in memory of her son Preston James.
- Mike and Roxy Steffl in memory of their son Lucus
2010 Love Gift Donations
- Sy and Colleen Foss in memory of their son Mark to honor his birthday in April.
- Margaret Palan in memory of her unborm child.
- Lucille Pitzen in memory of her son Joseph Pitzen.
- Dorle Blackwell in memory of her son Greg Trautman.
- Kay McLane as a memorial gift to Harold and Mary Mielke in memory of Harold's mother.
- Paulette Wiley in memory of her son Mason and her grandson Tayib.
- Bob and Betty Hermann in memory of their son Todd.
- Don and Mary Schroeder
- Luvern & Jeanne Gaffney
2009 Love Gift Donations
- Todd & Sara Heieie
- John & Nancy Cosco
- Kathy Johnson
- Don & Ann Orth
- Lois Swenson
- Harold & Mary Mielke
- The Meagher Family
- Nancy Thorp
- Jenny Englekist
- Don & Linda Schumacher
- Lucille Pitzen
- Linda Radabaugh
- Jeff & Debra Ziller
- Bob & Betty Herman
- Neil "Alex" & Joyce Nyhus
- Lillian Lesmeister
- Charles and Sharon Olson
- Jo Debrucker
- Gene and Ruth Templer
- Donn and Alonah Lorenz
- Marlene Walstrom
- Harold and Mary Mielke
Compassionate Friends Member Memorial Donations
- In memory of Rich Flaig
- In memory of Marly McLane
Forgive Until Forever - Don Hackett, TCF, Hinghiam, MA
Grieving is a fierce and overwhelming expression of love thrust upon us by a deep and hurtful loss. Yet, grieving is frequently such an entanglement of feelings that we often fail to recognize that ultimately forgiveness must be an integral part of our grief and our healing. For what is love if forgiveness is silent with us?
We learn to forgive our children for dying and ourselves for not preventing it. We begin to forgive our God or the fate we see ruling our universe. We start to forgive relatives and friends for abandoning us in their own bewilderment over the onslaught of emotions they sense in our words and behavior.
I believe we must be open to the balm of forgiveness. Through its expression in our lives, be it through thought, word or deed, we find small ways to seek life once more. Deep within us, forgiveness is capable of treading the wasteland of our souls to help us feel again the love that has not died.
It is the beginning of release from the dominance of pain, not from the continual hurt of missing those we have lost, but from lacking the fullness of the love we shared with our child. That love lives with strength inside ourselves, and yet our beings are so entrapped in a whirling vortex of anger, despair, frustration, abandonment and depression in that we often feel it only slightly.
Let us hear the quiet message heard so softly in the maelstrom of the spirit. Forgive, forgive, and forgive unto forever. Let love enfold our anguish, helping us to learn to grow and strive beyond this hour to a rich tomorrow.
A Solitary Journey
– Helen Steiner Rice
Grief is a solitary journey. No one but you knows how great the hurt is. No one but you can know the gaping hole left in your life when someone you loved has died. And no one but you can mourn the silence that was once filled with laughter and song. It is the nature of love and of death to touch every person in a totally unique way. Comfort comes from knowing that many people have made the same journey. And solace comes from understanding how others have learned to sing again.
Not Guilt, Regret
Kitty Sanders, Nashville, TN
(Survivor of Suicide Group)
One of our basic responsibilities as parents is to keep our children from harm. So, when anything happens to them, we feel guilty whether we could have realistically have done anything or not. When the ultimate tragedy occurs, we are devastated. How could we let this happen? Why didn’t we stop it? If we have compounded our guilt with any degree of human error of commission or omission, we are beyond devastation. Even words, either of anger or left unspoken, haunt us. Guilt implies intent. If we intended to harm our child, we can feel guilty of that. If we never intended harm to ever, ever come to our child, the correct name for our emotion is regret. The crushing pain is still there, but regret is softer, gentler, less judgmental, and easier to forgive and to heal. It is also more accurate. If that name doesn’t feel strong enough for our feelings, it will in time. Let it float there and try it now and then. Not guilt; we feel regret.
Hope
Rev. Simon Stephens
Founder of TCF
It is the gift of HOPE which reigns supreme in the attributes of The Compassionate Friends. HOPE that all is not lost. HOPE that life can still be worth living and meaningful. HOPE that the pain of loss will become less acute, and above all else the HOPE that we do not walk alone and that we are understood. The gift of HOPE is the greatest gift that we can give those that mourn.
If We Could Have You Back
If we could have you back for just one day,
There would be so many things we would like to say.
If we could just be with you for one whole day,
To have you close and know that you really are Okay.
If we had known that you would be gone forever,
If we had known all those ties were going to be severed, if we had known the pain, the loss, and the ache, if we had known the difference without you would make.
In the darkness you slipped away from us all,
Now it’s just your memories that we have to recall.
They say that parting is such sweet sorrow,
But it’s the longing, the wondering, & how to cope with tomorrow.
They say that grieving a child is the very worst
Cause life’s plan is that the parents should go first.
Now all we have are memories, the good times that we had, we spend so much time in tears & pain & feeling sad.
So if we could have you back for just one day,
You could let us know, how to cope until that judgment day. When we’ll be together as a family once again, when we’ll all be happy and free from all that pain.
Oh! It’s so hard to live when your child has to die,
Then we spend our lifetime trying to say Goodbye!
~ Ann M. King/Coquitlam BC Canada
You Cannot Direct the Wind, but You can Adjust the Sails
I saw the above quote on a poster in our church, and it occurred to me that “grief work” is just that, adjusting the sails. When a child dies, our lives are changed forever, the wind changes direction. When the direction of our life is so tragically changed we have two choices. We can deal with our grief and adjust our sails, or we can deny our grief and drift helplessly and hopelessly out to sea. In the beginning stages of grief we merely “reef our sails” and go with the tide. This is not a bad idea. At that time we are in a state of shock and not capable of sound decisions. We need quite a bit of time to ride out the storm. But when the initial storm of intense pain begins to subside, we need to adjust our sails for our own survival. You, and only you, can make the decisions regarding the rest of your life. You may find fulfillment in reaching out to help others or become more active in your church or temple. Maybe you’ll want to take as big a step as getting a job or returning to school. You may make only subtle changes in your priorities. But if you have made the decision to have a direction instead of drifting, get started now! You may have several false starts before you are really on course again. That’s okay. Don’t give up! The healing is in the trying. If you don’t give up, eventually you’ll once again have “smooth sailing.” ~ Author Unknown
